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Found on my internet ramblings:
“In today’s news: “The Koch Brothers, Jamie Daimon, the entire Sakler family, Bill Gates, Mark Zuckerberg, Jeff Bezos, and Martin Shkreli issued a joint communique today, announcing that they have finalized a deal with Lord Lucifer, the shadowy head of Hel Inc.. In return for annual undisclosed, but rumored to be in the high billions, amounts, the group of titans have given up rights to their souls.

The souls will be re-located to the economically depressed borderlands, to the area former known as Purgatory, where they can be put to use spinning dreams of a better life for all humanity. The dream product will be cryogenically frozen, using the latest techniques, packaged onto expendable launch vehicles and blasted off into outer space, where they will travel for eternity, or until metal fatigue sets in.

Reportedly, CEO’s of health insurance corporations, weapons companies and even some highly placed government officials are currently in negotiations with Lord Lucifer. One senior US Senator, who declined to be named, stated: ‘Selling my soul will allow me to formulate laws and policy completely free of the cumbersome entanglements of morals, ethics and even garden-variety compassion, that so burden current governance. I can concentrate of the important thing: how much cash, and power, I can accumulate.”